Editing Our Writing

Today we had a writer's workshop about how to edit our writing.  We used Aimen's first paragraph and together, re-worked it.  Check it out, I think we have re-crafted it really well!

As my cousin wakes up, his eyes go all wide and he mumbles/squeals/babbles, “my Dad went uhn uhn bye bye”.  , tThen, he crawls scurries to his mum because his bed is connected to my Aunty and Uncle’s. He is so cute.

As he wakes up his eyes go all wide and he says my dad went uhn uhn bye bye, then he crawls to his mum because his bed is connected to my auntie and uncle.